Building a Dalek
These are plans I found on the web years ago – they are very detailed and will result in your very own Dalek. I have always wanted one so I can turn it into a multi purpose kitchen appliance (blender, mp3 player, plunger/eggbeater/spatula holder, ect…)
I have taken the necessary steps (not included in plans) to have some babies and am presently training them up to assist me with this project.
The Cupboard
Cupboards of old were proud solitary creatures, often seen roaming the wood and open field under the cheerful light of the summer sun. They would play in the day and sleep peacefully on hills under the stars at night. When it rained, often two cupboards could be seen taking shelter under each other in such a way that neither one would get wet. Such was a cupboards life in those young, far away days of the beginning.
Time moved, as time will, and people came to live in the land of the cupboards, building their houses and roads. Cupboards came to live with them, both for shelter and company as the life of a wild cupboard is both dangerous and lonely. This arrangement worked well for many generations, but the people always had a distrust for things different to themselves. The cupboards held a grand meeting and it was decided that for as long as they lived with people, they should keep still and quiet, so as not to cause fear.
Long years passed. The cupboards kept their silence and, apart for the odd rumor, people came to forgot the nature of cupboards and of their cousins, the hat racks.
Cindy had a nice red room. Her dolls were arranged in a row on a shelf above the fireplace, on the bed lay a bright blue quilt and there was a picture of a laughing clown on the wall near the door. The only thing in Cindy’s room that wasn’t colored brightly was her wardrobe. The wardrobe was a large flaking brown box that seemed to loom up to the ceiling. It was a frightening construction with pointy bits at the top and a door that had a habit of falling just a tiny bit open when the lights went out. Some nights she thought she could hear whispering coming from inside those doors.
In Cindy’s kitchen lived a number of colorful salad spoons. They often talked about how much they would like to move in to Sally’s room and how the wardrobe was just a waste of space. “Wardrobes shouldn’t talk” they said, and since salad spoons and little girls have a limited sense of irony, the whole issue of talking salad spoons was never brought up for examination.
It is in the nature of salad spoons to plot. Soup spoons tend to be much nicer, but then again, they get much more exercise nowadays, diet’s being what they are. And these salad spoons were mostly ornamental anyway, being a set of 4 pairs all in bright colors, given to Cindy by her Aunt as a Christmas present. In any case, they had a lot of time to themselves on the windowsill, so they set their minds to plotting.
A Layman’s Guide to being Mysterious
(Man walks onto camera)
The first step, of course, is to get yourself a duck. This will put people off balance and you won’t have to work as hard at everything else.
Mastering the Mysterious Far Away Look.
As people age, they are forced by society to become more focused. This process must be reversed.
Method – Get one Large Pointed Stick and apply firmly to pupils. Wait two weeks then remove bandages. Practice talking about subjects of earth shattering importance making no eye contact at all. When you reach the most climactic part of your dialogue, envision yourself staring down an Austudy worker and suddenly fix your subject with the full force of your glare. This may be practiced on your duck.
Be Oblique
This can be accomplished in a number of ways. I often find it effective to carry around an odd object. This may be an egg, a sock or even a pot plant. When you are in a cafe, don’t be content to merely order a latte and sit in a far corner to write and stare into space – take out your object of choice, place it upon the table and order it a drink.
Items like whipper snipers, mallets and mobile phones should be avoided. Remember, there’s a fine line so don’t cross it – you will be shunned.
Being shunned
If you are shunned, buy a small beach shack, avoid people and take up sculpture or painting. Society is easily fooled and will happily accept you back into the fold. (see appendix on Andy Warhol.)
Choose easily impressed friends
The key word here is Sagittarian. Avoid Leos, Scorpios and people dressed more oddly or owning larger ducks than yourself.
Thank you and good luck.
(adopts a vague far away look and wanders off)
A Very Groovy Adventure part 1
Written a very long time ago for Glen and Andrew – although I don’t play D&D anymore I still like to write this stuff from time to time 😀 This one never had an ending and a lot of loose threads so I am going to fix it up and ‘publish’ it here.
Feel free to use it if you play 😀
A Very Groovy Adventure.
For level 5-7 characters.
Players should have between 30 – 60 hp
The Town
This is where the players spend about 10 minutes at the beginning of the adventure. Lets call it ‘Lesterville’, named after Lester who started out from the seaside and walked inland with an egg on a spoon to found a new town wherever the egg dropped. Lesterville is a seaside town.
Lester was a twit.
The characters are employed as city council workers when the adventure starts, paying off their debt to society due to one too many destructive nights drinking. Their job involves street cleaning, road maintenance and all sorts of other gritty work around town. They are sometimes called upon to help the city guard with odd peacekeeping jobs.
One of them should take the blame for burning down a pub, causing some major structural damage to a police station and a kicking in a significant portion of the towns garden gnomes. This will give them something to fight about when times get rough – it also sets up this adventure, which I might call Gnomes Vengeance or maybe just The Sting, because it involves getting pissed around by gnomes for a solid 4 hour adventuring session.
They get into work one morning and are assigned to ‘sort out’ some gnomes who are making so much noise there have been complaints from the graveyard next door. As the players move through the gnomish sector on the way to the disturbance, they notice the streets are empty. Occasionally they hear giggling from behind curtains and doors. They start to get a “Something is Going On” feeling.
They arrive at the house in question and find the front door open. They walk through the empty house. In the back yard is a large black tent with construction noises coming from underneath. The noises stop very suddenly. When someone peaks underneath, they see some sort of a tall, rectangular structure at the back of the tent. In front of it sits 5 gnome shaman in a circle of candles and incense. They begin to chant and a wind begins to blow. The gnomes are protected by some sort of barrier, so they will have the chance to finish their spell, which causes the players to be sucked in to the box and transported to the paddle wheeler, which is in the gnome world, preparing to take off.
The Cornflake Box
This is the box the entire gnomish world exists in. The players will get a chance to climb out of it at the end of the adventure.
Gnomish Paddle Wheeler
A flying ship with very large paddle wheels on both sides. It is powered by slaves in both wheels who are coaxed to move down the inside of the wheel by a combination of illusionary magic and dirty trickery. The wheels alternate to allow for rest – the other wheel is powered by brown bears (more on these later).
The players wake up in the left paddle wheel – at this stage they are still on the ground. The wheel is masked by magic to appear as a flat tunnel and the walls look like stone. In fact, they are wood. There is no light, so the players must find a way of illuminating the tunnel. The walls are magically shielded up to about 500 hp damage, after which they behave like normal wood.
The paddle wheeler is bound for the Gnome Citadel, so the players must be started down the wheel. Movement is encouraged by a variety of different methods. The methods become more and more unbelievable as the encounter wears on.
Methods of persuasion…
1 – Blinking Exit sign in the distance.
2 – The ‘host of illusionary frost wolfs’ method. A cold breeze is followed by the distant sound of snarling dogs.
3 – The ‘host of real frost wolfs’ method. A cold breeze followed by 6 real frost wolfs.
4 – Indiana Jones style boulder.
5 – Tour group. A tour group moves down the corridor, looking at paintings that magically appear. The guide urges the players to keep moving.
6 – A slowly approaching gelatinous cube. (real)
7 – Approaching fire storm. A series of explosions is the prelude to an approaching wall of illusionary fire. It may disappear if the characters get too close, but the heat can inflict real damage.
8 – Rabid Gerbils.
9 – Trail of cookie crumbs that turns into a trail of gold coins when the players begin to lose interest.
10 – Beautiful women walk past and beckons.
11 – Beautiful men walk past and beckons.
12 – They hear someone shout “come and get it” and “grubs up” The smell of food leads to a series of different courses being laid out for the companions.
Feel free to make things up on the spot for this part – the main point is to keep the players moving and interested in what is going on. There are two alternating wheels but if they stop for a very long time (go on strike ect…) the ship will start to lose power and then altitude… Descriptions of noises and motions should be used sparingly at first and then more as time goes on until they begin to have some idea about what is going on.
By this time the players hopefully will be ready to break into the ship – obviously only the right wall will lead to the ship and the left outside. they may want to climb the wall, dissuade them if possible with flying monsters or a high probability of falling – if they insist on climbing feel free to get creative and take the adventure out onto the outside of the ship.
As they break through the wall the magical barrier will explode, setting fire to the ship. An access room sits next to the lower point of the wheel. This contains a Gnomish Crystal Ball monitoring the interior of the wheel at which sits a gnomish illusionist. His first words should be something dramatic like “You’ve killed us all, you fools.” They must fight him.
The Gnomish Illusionist
Trained in deceptive magic, cunning and sleight of hand. Some spells he can use are;
Blinded by God (Makes the player “see the light” for D4 rounds)
Sticks to More Sticks (Good for starting bonfires)
Magic Rissole (like a messy magic missile)
Baba Yogi’s Rasta Blaster (pumps out ear bursting hard core reggae)
And all sorts of illusions.
There is a spell book in his bag with all of the above.
The only other door leads to a corridor that runs through the ship to the other wheel. There are 5 doors on either side with signs above them in some gnomish language. The central 2 doors lead to a similar corridor running the length of the ship with the exit at the end of left corridor. At the end of the left corridor is the rudder room, which sits at the back of the ship.
There are alarm bells going off as the ship gives a sharp jolt and the players stomachs hit the roof. All other side doors lead to the passenger compartments. The players hear yells coming from the door leading to the right wheel. The wheel is jammed and the bears are trying to chew through the far wall. The Illusionist from this room is no-where to be seen. His crystal ball lies broken under the table.
A stewardess is speaking as the players enter one of the passenger compartments; “Since we are now plummeting towards the ground from 10000 feet, I would like to take this opportunity to go through some safety precautions. You will find a yellow booklet at the back of the seat in front of you. Please take it out and turn to page 3. We will begin there…” If questioned about the graphic nature of the little yellow book or the calmness of the gnomes, it will be explained that these aircraft always crash.
A copy of the yellow booklet should be distributed to the players at this point…
The Gnomes in the passenger compartments all pull their levers and their seats, attached to bungee ropes plummet out of the aircraft, to detach and drop into the water just before the craft passes over land and crashes in the Bear Woods.
The right paddle wheel holds a troupe of Boris and his Bear Circus Performers and Danger man (read about Danger Man elsewhere on this site).
The players have been hired by the people of Destination town to make the woods more interesting and were paying their passage from . They need to go see the town mayor when everybody “lands”.
Boris Bolshevik and his Barmy Bunch of Blowfish (Leader of the troupe)
Mike the Fortune Telling Bear (very cynical bear indeed)
Fantasia the Bear Stripper (wears a handkerchief around her neck. Will take it off.)
Rudy the Invisible 6 legged Panda (who doesn’t really exist)
Johannesburg the Flaming Black Bear (they set him on fire for the crowd)
Barry the Barrister Bear (Handles all legal matters, dispenses barbiturates)
Larry the Dog (undercover cop investigating the troupe for drug related offenses)
Boris offers the Girdle of the Winter Bear as a reward for rescuing them from the wheel. If the players didn’t rescue the bears they give them the belt to prevent their pants from falling down, or something…
Before parting company, Boris tells the players about a swami who might be able to help them. “Just look for the cloud of smoke, that’ll be him…”
Danger Man will also be joining the party at this point and will remain with them to help out. At some point he will save the party in some magnificent act which will remove him from the adventure in a very stylie way 😀
Part 2 to follow 😀
A Very Groovy Adventure part 2
The Bear Woods
After the inevitable crash, the players either make their way to or find themselves in the middle of a large burnt clearing with about 10 crashed paddle wheelers, all marked as mark 1 through 10. There is a road leading to a small village nearby and a sign that says “To Destination Town”. This small hamlet was set up when it became apparent that there was a steady influx of people to this side of the forest, so it was sensible to set up a town here. Once through the town, there is a dirt road leading through the forest to the citadel.
The Mayor.
The Mayor welcomes the players to Gnome World and offers a small reward for saving the bears, if that is what they ended up doing. He tells them that Gnome world exists outside the normal experience of the outside world. Gnome Citadel is the place to go to find out how to get back home.
Rolf Harris
This is a random encounter whilst traveling through the woods. During the night, the players begin to hear a rhythmic sound, like great wings slowly beating the air. The sound fades in and out, but seems to be getting steadily nearer. There seems to be singing as well. At this point a roll against fear at +5 should be made. Eventually words can be made out “…2 little boys had 2 little toys.” at which point a roll against petrification should be made. A fail means the player is frozen to the spot for D6 rounds. Rolf enters the clearing.
Rolf’s Wobble Board is a distance weapon that does D8 of boredom damage.
Rolf is wearing the Blundstone Boots of Grip.
When Rolf is vanquished, his body turns to fine ash and as his spirit begins to disperse the players hear “I will be back – I always come back…”
Gnome Citadel
An imposing citadel built into the side of a mountain. Against the base of the cliff is a row of about 20 rubber cords stretching up to a hole in a floor of the citadel. Gnomes strap themselves to a harness and release the cord, which bungies them into the citadel. The cords are sent down by platforms which hold about 8 gnomes and re-tied at the base. The citadel is the center of government and is inhabited by Tinker and Sphincter gnomes.
Sphinctal Gnomes
These anal retentive little characters become the leaders and accountants of gnomish society. If they live that long.
Tinker Gnomes
Cute little inventor gnomes; imagine Ewoks with brains. Their inventions are rarely good for much, having a tendency to not work or work in a much more exiting manner than they were intended.
The citadel is full of gnomes and industrious noises. There is quite a large city that seems to be carved into the mountain. From the high vantage of the wall, they can see down into the city. Houses and buildings fill up the space inside the walls and caverns can be seen to stretch out into the mountain. Smoke drifts up from many of the chimneys and there is a smell of roasting meat and burning firewood.
As they arrive, they are greeted by a small party of sphincter gnomes who take them through the city to an enormous palace carved out of a wall. In the middle of an enormous man made cavern stands an enormous garden gnome. The king of the gnomes sits on a throne at the base of this idol. He decrees that they must defeat the king’s champion to prove themselves worthy of information about their predicament.
If the Garden Gnome Idol is destroyed, the entire place will slide down the hill. Lets hope they read the sign that says “Warning, Idol contains anchor chain, please do not destroy.
Before they go off to their challenge, they are taken to the Tinker Gnomes for new armor, weapons or equipment. They will have lost something in the wheeler crash.
They see a number of projects being tested. These are explained by the kings aid. In keeping with the James Bond mood, the head tinker’s name is W.
“This is our Experimental cooking section – these fellows are accelerating baked chicken to near light speeds to see if the taste slows down at relativistic speeds. And here we study the high frequency radiation that streams off a good vindaloo when it collides with a papadum moving at near light speeds in the opposite direction.”
“Oh, here are our Doom Chickens. We are working on a multi purpose chook about the house.” a mechanical chook come up, offers a scientist a coffee, then stabs him in the leg. He is carried away.
“Oh, dear. Needs more work, I’m afraid. To tell you the truth, we are trying to get rid of some of the older models. If you ever want to buy one, send money to this address and we’ll post one right out to you.” He gives them all a card.
Doom Chickens
Chucky chicken – 5 sharp blades down each wing. 5 chucky chickens can combine to form the powerful FowlTron
Percolator chicken – Café?
Letter opener chicken – Opens all sorts of paper products. These are also the only key back to their own world, being able to open the top of the cornflake packet for them.
Gardening Chicken
General purpose cleaning chicken (steel wool chook)
The players may find a post box any time they need one (somehow) and upon posting an order a gnome will arrive (in a stylish way) with their chicken.
Under no circumstance will they be able to get their money back as the chickens are not covered by any sort of warranty and the Gnome kingdom has no consumer affairs laws.
After the tinker gnomes sort them out for stuff (if they want something, sell it to them. Have some fun, make stuff up for them), they are taken under guard to the arena.
Arena of Challenge
Inside the citadel is a stone coliseum with a sandy arena in the center. Three large stone arches with metal grills give selective access to the floor. The fighting ground is ringed with black and yellow striped poles.
The Peruvian Yellow Stripped Guppy is the Champion. He blends perfectly against any of the 20 or so poles around the outside. The guppy is fast. Very fast. He moves from pole to pole, stopping only to shout out threats and taunts. He also knows martial arts, slapping with both flippers, tail slap and the feared guppy mouth gum.
One of the party must face the guppy. They will not even see the guppy until they are in the center of the arena. Naturally they will win – it is after all just a guppy.
The players are then instructed to go to Shanty town, where the dread pirate Gus has a magical item that can take them home. They must kill the pirate.
A Very Groovy Adventure part 3
Shanty Town
On the road to shanty town, the players will camp by a pond. On this pond swims the dreaded Were Duck of Shanty Pond… If bitten by the dreaded duck, a save must be made and the player will be doomed to walk the earth as a duck every time they go near water, until the antidote can be found.
The Boom Town Rats (pirate club) can be located by asking questions at any pub. No – one has heard about Gus except for Jimmy “the Squid” Mc Sporran, who offers to help the players find Gus, if they agree to help out on deck. Mc Sporran speaks in an outrageous Scottish accent.
Someone in Shanty town has been going around with the ugly stick, quite literally. The players might stick around to set things straight… A pirate called Butch is doing it, sort of as a revenge against society in general for the accident of his birth. He has a gang of 6 naturally ugly men and they have been extorting money and generally making a nuisance of themselves.
A couple of days at sea and the ship is pursued by a ship from the Gnome King’s fleet. They eventually overtake and the players must help Mc Sporran fight them off. If they succeed, Mc Sporran’s ship sinks after the battle, leaving only a long boat. If they fail, they are imprisoned on the island by the king’s men.
The Aptly Named Haunted Island
This is the prison island the gnomes send criminals to die. It is almost entirely covered by trees and is surrounded by tall cliffs. The only way on to the island is through a cave in the harbor that contains a tunnel to the surface. The entrance to this tunnel is sealed with a heavy iron grill. The only places free from the trees are at the summit of the smoking volcano and in the small, rotting wood hut in a small clearing.
Killer Foliage
The trees on this island are all sentient and will do their best to destroy the companions. They cannot move from the place they grow, though they can bend to strike with teeth that appear on their trunk.
Gnome Shrine
The Cinder cone volcano has an ancient gnome shrine far down in the inside of the cone. This is the home of the prophet, who is actually not in at all on the gnomes schemes. He offers advice, but is also a bit unhinged from the sulphurous gasses leaking out of the volcano. He greets the players with a question.
“Before you may enter, I must ask you one question. If there is more than one way to skin a cat, and if there is always a better cat skinner than yourself, why then are there so many cats?”
From the Book of the Gnome
“Tina removed her top as the gnome king slowly slid his hand …”
The Guru removes a magazine from the centre of the Book of Gnomes and stuffs it under his mattress. “All roads lead to enlightenment…eventually. Here we go;”
“In the beginning there were tribes of Elves as big as houses, clans of Men as big as even larger houses and a whole society of Gnomes the size of small frogs. A general consensus was taken and it was decided that the frogs had to go. This was followed up by a second meeting where it was recognised that the gnomes were the ones holding back the show, so the frogs could come back and it was the gnomes who had to leave… “
“The Gnomes finally came to a place, far away from the other races, where they could build a new life. In the centre of this world, they erected an enormous stone gnome and cast their magic upon it to remove it and it’s world to a place unreachable by men, elves or frogs. If this Idol is ever broken, the two worlds will once again become one.”
The Shaman explains that only the breaking of the Idol will get them back to their own land and that even if they find Gus the king of gnomes was probably telling big fibs about the magical item.
The Shaman also knows the cure for being a were duck. He goes to the cupboard and pulls out a double barrel shotgun, which he levels at the player and pulls the trigger. The gun was not loaded.
“You see, being a were duck is like having the hiccups. You should be cured now.”
For the rest of the encounter, the swami makes bad puns about being a duck and cackles a lot.
Lucky you found a Quack.
Water off a Ducks Back.
I will send you the Bill.
You might hook up with a nice Chick.
You will be heading South, then.
Feather your nest.
10 – 4 Rubber Ducky.
You must Duck Down the hole.
My Fine Feathered friend.
Back to Shanty Town
The players now know that in order to escape the gnome world, they probably have to invade the gnome citadel.
They may purchase help from the shaman in getting off the island. He can fly them on his rug to shanty town, where they find Jimmy hiding from the authorities. Jimmy can help them get into the citadel, via a secret entrance known only to himself; a disused mine that leads to the dungeons beneath the citadel, and then up into the palace itself.
In the citadel itself, there will be tinker gnomes, sphincter gnomes and an army of domestic chicken machines to hassle them.
Back to the Citadel
This time, there is no friendly welcome. They are slated to be executed, so even the peasants living in the hills will be trying to turn the guys in for a quick buck. If they haven’t returned via the mine, they might be in a bit of trouble…
The Mine
This is occupied by a witch. Her world is a tiny bit complex. She was driven from her home shortly after her daughter died more than 70 years ago. She was practicing witchcraft in the village to try to bring her daughter back. In her travels, she found an abandoned mine and used her magic to carve out rooms from the main tunnel. Unfortunately, the mine was also inhabited by a specter, who’s existence is unknown to the witch. He slowly drove her mad with nightly whisperings and uses her to bring victims into the mine for him. She has a natural talent for illusionary magic and her mad ravings take form around her. The mine has been made to look like the modest house she shared with her daughter. She has the appearance of a woman of 25. Her 8 year old daughter is a part of the delusion.
The players find the entrance to the mine to be a large set of wooden double doors with an iron knocker. The lady is reluctant to let them in; subconsciously she knows they will be murdered by the specter. Inside, the main living room is very tidy and well kept. There is the faint smell of rotting meat that one of the more astute players will notice but the woman’s delusion is so powerful, it will be gone in a moment. She offers them tea. The entrance to the rest of the mine is hidden by the illusionary kitchen fireplace.
Daughters room
The room of an 8 year old. Toys and dolls lie around and the daughter is sleeping on the bed. The daughter will try to warn the players of the danger if they wake her up. The specter will only come out at dark so, with the players inside, the woman will be trying to keep them in the house till night falls. Creepy, huh? I need to cut down on coffee.
Study
This room is behind a closed and locked door. It is the only room not affected by the illusion and contains all of the magic paraphernalia of the witches calling – potions, herbs, a few pieces of equipment and one or two ancient books.
Kitchen
A small hall leads to the kitchen, at the back of the house. In fact, this room contains nothing but a rude fire and a few battered pots. Under the illusion, it looks like a very serviceable country kitchen. A large fireplace takes up the far wall.
If the specter is killed, the woman will be released from her delusion. The mine and the old woman will take on a very rudimentary form, with the old woman aging instantly from an attractive 25 to an 80 year old in extremely poor physical condition.
*Experience points for this encounter should be awarded on the basis of how well the players deal with it, in keeping with their alignments.
Waste Disposal…
This square room has a well taking up most of the 3m square floor space. The walls of the well, upon investigation, are a browny / red color and are covered with slime. This is in fact an enormous lamprey which has crawled up the well and colored itself to look like stone. It’s lips look like fungus around the rim of the well.
Underwater Tunnel
This tunnel slopes gently down for about a mile, then disappears out of sight beneath a pool of freezing water. The players must find a way to navigate through about 500 meters of underwater tunnel, then the corridor dives up into a magnificent lime green cavern lit by gentle phosphorescent light coming off the walls.
There is a very deep well about a meter wide in the deep cellars of the Tinker Gnomes, where they throw all their broken bits and pieces of projects gone wrong. These broken or half finished machines continue their tortured existence in the dark, wet tunnels that make up the natural caves deep beneath the city. This green cave is the beginning of these caverns.
The players emerge at the edge of the cavern, in front of them is a small portion of land raised above the waters surface. From this rise, the lake can be seen to stretch out far into the distance. Far above, the gently domed roof is supported by limestone pillars that reach out of the water. Everywhere is the sound of water droplets falling into the still waters. There is a heavy wooden raft floating way out on the lake, snagged on the rough surface of a pillar. Too much noise in this cavern could cause stalactites and debris to fall from the roof.
The cavern is enormous and the exit to the citadel lies in a small tunnel two kilometers across the water, about 5 meters above water level. The stone is soft enough to carve footholds into, if the players are careful. On the island is a large circular mosaic with a path that leads to the tunnel submerged under the water. It can still be seen in the shallower parts and can be followed to a spot 20 meters from the far wall, where the water dips dramatically.
Players venturing into the water might be attacked by eels. They will afflict only minimal damage. The water is also freezing cold and it will not be possible to swim across with all their equipment.
The tunnel floor is made up of the same paving stones from the cave. They continue in for about 10 meters, then end in a wall of collapsed rock and cobwebs. There is a faint draught coming through the wall. The web is inhabited by hundreds of tiny harmless spiders. At the other side of the wall is a vertical shaft with the rusted remains of a ladder disappearing into darkness both up and down.
Underneath the well lives another order of Gnomes who live off the scraps thrown down from above. These Gnomes are led by an insane dictator, Gus. Gus is the king’s brother – the same man they were sent to kill earlier in the adventure. Gus can be persuaded to help them get into the citadel and break the idol. He is particularly keen to see the idol broken, as it means his brother’s citadel will be destroyed.
There is a tunnel that comes out way over a room where a circle of dread looking gnome priests are using their magic to animate a bunch of chook parts into a bizarre looking fighting machine. These guys will attack if startled and the players will eventually be captured and make their way to Gus.
A Very Groovy Adventure part 4
Conclusion to be written.
Magical items can be found anywhere you wish to place them – most are fairly pointless but all should be given out at some point.
Magical Items
Rolf’s Wobble Board
When played, sends out waves of pure boredom that causes the victims in a 10 meter cone to save vs’s paralysis or be immobilized by shock for D6 turns. thereafter, a hit means D8 boredom damage.
Anti Duck Sphere
This is an amber crystal sphere which, when activated with the correct word, repels ducks. The word is ‘Peking’.
The Most Impressive Gnomish Hammer of Mass Destruction
Don’t bother. Doesn’t work.
The Blundstone Boots of Grip
These boots will grip even a 90 degree surface.
Girdle of the Winter Bear
This cursed item causes the wearer to eat heavily then fall into a deep sleep and hibernate until the belt is removed. The player may be roused, but it is difficult and he will seek to return to sleep as soon as possible. -2 on all rolls whilst awake.
Gnomish Crystal Ball
Used by illusionists to monitor a space no more than 15 meters away. Unfortunately, these things are likely to also pick up advertising commercials at in opportune times. This is not affected by the total lack of broadcasting stations in this particular era. This is where the players will first learn about doom chickens. There will be a Demtel style add on, telling them abut the amazing properties of the Mixmaster Chicken.
The Ugly Stick
This takes D4 points off the charisma of a character every time they are hit. The effects last for D6 days.
The Amulet of Literal Action
Causes the players every action to happen just as the players words suggest.
The Cookie Tin of Wanting
All items placed in the tin become items of desire and will be jealously guarded by the player
Groovy Pointy Stick of Wicked Stabbing and Thumping
+ 2 to all hits
Amulet of the Inconspicuous Shrub
3 times a day, the player may elect to blend into an inconspicuous shrub
The Oracle (Magical 8 Ball)
1- You will find true love
2- Go west young man
3- Death is the only escape
4- You know the answer already
5- No
6- Yes
7- Maybe
8- Who wants to know
9- The king is a fink – pass it on
10- (A concise answer about the situation, written so small the player will have to find a tricky way to read it)
On Care Bears
Playing this song while you read this is highly recommended.
Lately Tallulah has been watching a lot of episodes of the Care Bears and although I could go for hours talking about the detestable marketing ploys of shows such as this I noticed something even more sinister.
Care Bears are fascists.
They have a big clock that shows how happy and caring their people are and monitors for ‘wrongfeel’ and ‘badthink’. When they see the meter drop towards the raincloud side, they try to prevent it getting worse by going on “caring missions” (crusades?).
In the episode I saw this morning one bear can be quoted as saying “there goes the neighborhood” in response to seeing the negative swing of their bad mood detector – a very ominous expression bringing to my mind the Bodycount song of the same name which references black people moving into a white suburb and the ensuing social dramas and racism…
In order to deal with negative emotions they use the “Carebear Stare” – a group attack on the insurgent where they all release the full fury of their tummy laser/rainbows to force a change in mood.
While this sort of intervention might work in movies I know that if they tried this while I was in the grips of some sort of depression I would probably hit them with the full fury of an empty red wine bottle – ironically it would probably cheer me up too.
All their targets seem to want is the right to be able to feel sad and some of the more destructive tendencies of the Bear’s enemies can possibly be mirrored in the real life terrorist organisations hatred of America’s Care-Bear-like intervention in worlds affairs with the intention of pressing US political and religious views on an unwilling world.
To be fair, I don’t think the writers were aware of the nature of their creations but were rather setting their own society’s values into a script, thinking it to be an innocent portrayal of a how the world could be.
I say passive aggressive bears policing society from high, bent on creating a utopian society without regards for the personal rights of their prey would be a bad idea.
Just a side note – I always wanted to see a Care Bears/Transformers crossover – maybe a Decepticon invasion of Carealot. Would Tummy Power work on insane megalomaniac robots bent on destruction? I think not.
Danger Man
Danger Man, written by Damien Snell and played by Peter Medley for a Darwin Fringe Festival show at a skit night. Like with so many things I always wanted to go back and use it for something else but I have a feeling the ideas are most funny to myself 😀
Danger man was born at Ayers Rock resort in Yulara. Inspired by the doghouse style staff accommodation, where you have a two room flat which shares a kitchen and toilet with the adjoining flat. When moving into one of these, there is always the dreaded first meeting with the neighbours. We were talking one day and realised there was a niche for someone you could call to undertake this onerous task for you.
Danger man can be hired for all the little things in life that fall into the ‘too hard’ basket. He is almost a super hero type character, being larger than life and always showing up to fix things. The only problem is that he is not terribly good at it. This idea is perfect to develop into a series of very short films. DM would make a very good cartoon character or door stop and always makes a stylie escape. It might be possible to have him finishing off another pissy assignment at the beginning of each episode, sort of James Bond style.
Danger man meets the Neighbors
Scene 1
Danger man, assisted by his two amazingly short mexican sidekicks, is donning his protective goggles and arm pads ready to dive into the kitchen and meet his clients new neighbour. His helpers tie a rope around his waist and shake his hand good luck goggles go down and he steps through the door. They have a total confidence in danger man that the flat owner does not share.
Scene 2
This scene is very snappy and begins with far away shots of the 2 people and slowly moves in (1,2,1,2,1,2 etc.. back and forth) as danger man makes more and more mistakes in this first crucial encounter. Danger man is sweating more and more as things progress until he inadvertently insults the neighbor now dead grandmother. There is a messy pause at this point then DM gives three quick panicked tugs on the rope (two short and one long) and his friends drag him out.
Scene 3
In the last scene one man mops DM’s brow, another helps him out of the suit whilst the third goes through the appointment schedule for the next job.
(End with flashy logo and jingle with voiceover.)
Other scripts could include;
Danger man gets called in when (during a steamy, low light couch scene) it is discovered by Gazza that the ‘girl’ he picked up in the club is lacking certain feminine attributes. He leans over and discretely calls danger man on the coffee table phone. DM arrives instantly with his helpers. In the silent scene that follows, Danger man’s helpers extract Gazza from the couch in a way that (somehow) closely resembles the Indiana Jones and the temple of doom’s famous switch-the idol-for-a-bag-of-sand-before-getting-chased-by-large-ball scene. Danger man tries to defuse the situation but muffs it up rather badly and ends up having to escape by bungie jumping out the window. At the end Danger man says ‘I feel – different…’
Danger man is called in by a bunch of stoned people who need something from the local 7-11 but are unable to get off the couch.
A groom calls him in to fill in for the bucks night.
DM checks out a new disco for a client ( Saturday night fever style ) which turns out to be a gay bar.
The mob hires him to take the rap at a very large bust.
Danger man should do a lot of work in old peoples homes.
